something I never want to forget.

I have been pondering a great deal of things lately.  My thoughts over take me and bring me to places of curiosity and wondering.  Maybe it is because I am in my mid 40's and it is just the "appointed time".  Time to take into account those things and events that have filled the last many years of my life.

Some of those events have caused me to stand still and not move forward.  I desire growth and strength that comes from taking those steps.  God's faithfulness in so many personal and sacred places of my heart spur me on.  He reminds me of His word and those promises that I claim and put forth into action.  And the precious results that follow.  That He hears my every prayer, that He shows Himself to me in my daily life.

Other places of pondering are ones that fill my heart with the most amazing joys and greatest happiness that nothing could ever compare.  Simple pleasures of everyday life as a stay at home wife and mom.  Those are the ones that every morning I lace around my heart like a beautiful garland.  Overflowing with gratitude.

Last Thursday I attended a bible study that my husband's aunt invited me to.  I had already completed this particular study, through the Psalms of Ascent, but was so happy to once again study those same scriptures.  I had placed the completed workbook (of which I had not opened since) on my shelf a few years ago.  

Little did I know of the divine appointment the Lord had set before me last Thursday.  During the video, I opened my workbook and began taking notes, reading those I had written prior. 

The notes I had first taken were vulnerable and deeply pained.  I felt compelled to run from them.  The study was during a "dark" period.  A time of pleading with the Lord for peace, rest and understanding.  It would seem that nothing I could do or say, no love I could pour out, nor kindness shared, would change the circumstances around me.  I clung even tighter to the side of my Heavenly Father, and cried out to Him.  While penning every detail of the happenings taking place.  At first I became a bit embarrassed of these notes, and even contemplated getting rid of the workbook.  I figured I could just purchase a new one to write in. 

And then the dearest revelation came to me.   It struck me, I am no longer there.  Those struggles and pains are no longer prevalent in my life.  But rather growth and strength from applying His word to my needs.  My prayers indeed were heard, but the pains and discomforts were designed for that time.  Those moments of darkness were ordered by a loving Father in heaven Who knew what would result.  Who had previously prepared my heart through His word and testimony of His presence in my life.

I realized something else about those notes.  For quite some time I allowed the trials to define me.  I thought less of myself for going through them in the first place.  They made me feel "sheepish", low. 

Now however I feel liberated.  I have discovered even more hidden testimonies that the Lord tucked away, just for me.  Just for us.  Ones that I was unable to see because my focus was on what seemed like failure but was indeed triumphant! 

Thank you Lord.  Thank you for loving me, for strengthening me, for blessing me, every single day!   Thank you Lord for the trials of life that draw me closer to You.  That shape me into Your Son's image.  xo